


Where Oh Where Can My Baby Be?

by NobleSteed



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: (dang it leo), Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Other, leo is being emo again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:40:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25559704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NobleSteed/pseuds/NobleSteed
Summary: These are two oneshots that vary in content but are based on the same concept. Prior to these stories, Y/N developed a strong, committed romantic relationship with Leonardo. Then, you were slain in battle. In both oneshots, Leo is in the dojo, attempting to meditate away the grief, when he gets an unexpected visitor. These should work with any iteration of the turtles, although  they were written with 2012 Leo in mind. Splinter is not alive in these scenarios, and gender doesn't matter for the reader.
Relationships: Leonardo (TMNT)/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	1. Scenario 1: An Honorable Life

“Oh, where oh where can my baby be?  
The Lord took her away from me  
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good  
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.”  
-The Cavaliers, 1962

Leonardo knelt in the dojo, doors locked securely behind him. He fought back the rising lump in his throat, trying to remember Splinter’s wisdom: “A blessing of forgiveness is given unto oneself,” or something like that. The pieces wouldn’t work themselves together in his head. The blue turtle tried to breathe in and only succeeded in involuntarily letting out a sob. With the dam broken, he covered his mouth, bent his head, and wept as quietly as he could. Though he often went to the dojo to “meditate,” the truth was he cried in there, hidden from his brothers’ sight, almost every night.

At least, that’s what happened since Y/N was gone.

He couldn’t stop the battle from replaying in his mind, over and over again like a propeller spinning infinitely. Y/N’s screaming as you barreled into him, the flash of a blade, blackened with blood; a mighty clash of metal, then silence.

The way the enemy lay still. The way he crawled to you through the mud. The way your lips bled. How your last breath sounded as it left your body.

Losing Splinter sent cracks all throughout Leonardo’s heart, but losing you shattered it.

The image of Y/N’s death flashed through his mind and made his stomach burn. He hated this old familiar feeling: guilt. “If I had just...watched out…” he sobbed aloud to himself, “you...would still...be alive…” There was no debating it, he was responsible for your death. 

“Forgiveness is a blessing, especially when dealt unto oneself,” said a voice, and he jumped.

“Y/N!!!” he screamed. It was you, undeniably you, albeit standing there force-ghost style, glowing a strange pale-blue. You smiled. “Leo,” you replied. The sound of your voice alone was enough to trigger a second rush of tears. “Oh, Y/N, Y/N,” he sobbed, reaching to your shimmering form, “I’m so sorry, so-so-sorry-I--” he blubbered inarticulately for a moment before lapsing into total weeping. Even as a spiritually enhanced force ghost, it was hard for you to hear the deep groans heaving up from his gut. His emotion, rarely allowed to surface, was now overflowing, washing over his body in tsunamis. You let him cry, knowing he rarely let himself feel, and when he was done, your eyes met his.

“I swear, Y/N,” the blue turtle said softly, “I swear I’ll live the rest of this life in honor of you, so that when I die I can be with you for all eternity. I’ll live a better life. I’ll live a life worthy of you.”

Y/N wiped a tear from his cheek and kissed him on the forehead, a lingering kiss that contained more tenderness than he’d felt in years. “You already do,” you told him. “That is why I love you. I will wait for you, Leonardo.” 

He wiped away the tears, and when he took away his hand, you were gone.


	2. Scenario 2: Forgive Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These are two oneshots that vary in content but are based on the same concept. Prior to these stories, Y/N developed a strong, committed romantic relationship with Leonardo. Then, you were slain in battle. In this oneshot, Leo is in the dojo, attempting to meditate away the grief, when he gets an unexpected visitor. These should work with any iteration of the turtles, although they were written with 2012 Leo in mind. Splinter is not alive in these scenarios.

“My son, many people have said that experience is the best teacher. I disagree. Failure is the best teacher. More than anything, it teaches us to forgive ourselves and move on. You must learn from your failure, Leonardo—learn to forgive yourself and move on.”

The words echoed through Leo’s mind, but it was difficult to hear them over his sniffles. The turtle, kneeling alone in the dojo, had his hands together, shifting the positions of his fingers as he meditated. Well, tried to meditate.

Today had been especially bad—another bad fight with Raph, and Mikey broke something in Donnie’s lab, Donnie got mad and shut himself away, Mikey felt guilty and cried…. it was all the usual drama packed into a few explosive hours. It was times like this when the blue turtle felt he was truly losing control. And when he most felt Y/N’s absence.

He thought of your sparkling eyes and gentle smile and felt his throat closing up. He tried to take a deep breath in and felt it catch. Trying again, he opened his eyes to tentatively reposition himself, and his gaze fell upon an old framed picture of Splinter.

It was enough.

Leo let one tear fall, then many more followed. It felt good to cry, he had to admit, but he was also embarrassed and ashamed—leaders had to be strong for their team; he was failing them again!

Just like I failed Y/N.

He sobbed out loud and quickly covered his mouth, glancing around his shoulder to make sure the door was locked. It was. Relieved, he turned back around—

“—Y/N?!” He almost screamed. It was you, standing there, a spirit, glowing pale-white like the moon. “You...you’re a force ghost, too? Where’s Master Splinter?”

Y/N chuckled. “Yeah, I can do the force ghost thing too,” you replied. It’s so good to hear his voice again. “Pretty cool, huh? Check this out!” You reached out for the picture of Splinter and your hand went straight through it. You turned back to him and waved your arms around. “Spooo000OOO0000oooky!” you joked. 

He laughed a little and wiped away some snot. You couldn’t help but smile; his laugh was so good to hear. “Well,” he said, standing up, “can you do this?”

He moved forward and embraced your spirit body, a bit surprised that he could touch you. “Of course I can,” you said, “when I want to.” The embrace lasted for a moment, then you pulled back.

“Is—is Master Splinter here, too?”

“Sorry, Leo. Not this time. I have no idea where he is right now, but I’ve seen him around. The whole spirit realm thing is kinda finicky.”

“Ah. Gotcha.”

You smiled at one another for a moment, and Leo tried not to think about all the things the two of you would never get to do together. Of course, trying not to think about it reignited his emotions. His lip quivered again, then he looked down, crying harder after being softened by the first wave of sadness.

You walked closer to him and placed a hand in his. “I know what you’re thinking right now. My death wasn’t your fault. Stop blaming yourself.” He gave you a half-glare. “You know I can’t do that,” he said between stammering breaths, only half-joking. You smiled. “I know. Just try to anyway.”

He stood there and cried for a while, and you let him, holding his hand. You knew he didn’t often let himself have the luxury of expressing emotions, so it was a blessing to watch him cry, in a way.

When he was done, he looked at you, his chest still hitching a little. “If—if—if,” he stammered, “if I failed to protect you—how will I—protect—them—” He cast a glance over his shoulder again, and you knew he meant the others. The three turtles and Casey, April, and Karai—the only family he had left. 

You reached up and wiped a tear from his face, pressing a tissue into his hand. “I don’t need protecting, love,” you said. “I decide when to defend my body, and I decide when to give it up. I decided to give it up for you on the day I died. You didn’t need to protect me because I was protecting you. And as for the others...I think you’ll be just fine.”

You leaned in and planted a lingering kiss on his cheek. “Forgive yourself,” you whispered.

When he turned to look at your face, you were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my fic! Constructive criticism is welcome.


End file.
